Friday the 13th and Black Cat visitors

Friday, June 13, 2025

When Bruce was in the hospital, the day shift nurse always changed the day and date on the white board in his room, first thing each morning.  It was helpful to me too as the days seemed to slide into each other, indistinguishable in their urgency and terror.

I’ve found, in these days, that reminding myself of the day/date is also helpful.  These days are less urgent, but they have a uniquely indistinguishable nature, marked by so much absence.  Routines are absent.  Happiness is absent.  Bruce is absent in the flesh, but so very present in mind and memory and surroundings. Sometimes I imagine that he has just gone on a trip for a little while and will be home soon.  Maybe there’s a different sort of truth in that.

This morning, I noted: It is Friday, June 13th.  Then I stepped out onto the deck with my cup of coffee and was greeted by a black cat.  So, I’m just going to go sage stick the whole house and pray a hedge of protection to cover both ends of the scale of bases.

No one needs more bad luck – none of us.  While I am steeped in my own grief, planes are crashing and nations are inciting new wars and little girls are being killed by their fathers who could not receive the mental health care they needed because benefits are being categorically stripped away from the most vulnerable.  And there is a parade tomorrow to celebrate it all.

Deep breath.  Because there are also very good things still happening in the world.  And in my world.  This does not make the very terrible things less terrible.  But it reminds me that, black cat of unknown origin aside, there is much for which I remain grateful. 

So, let me make a list and encourage you, if you are feeling overwhelmed or sad or terrified or if a black cat has found its way to your deck on this Friday the 13th, to also count the ways you feel lucky today.

·      I’m thankful for every person who shows kindness in every day.  And I want to name two people who did that for me this week.  Ciera, who takes care of my skin for me, welcomed me to my regularly scheduled appointment with a cup of chamomile and a gentle wrap in a blanket.  (Ahead of any appointment, I have texted and said “just so you know…”). My time with her in her gentle, healing space was peaceful and she just let me breathe.  And at the end she said, ‘your service is my great pleasure’ and would not take my money,  but sent me on my way feeling so cared for. 

In a similar way, Sara, who takes care of my hair (no apologies for having these people in my life, friends), welcomed me to my long overdue haircut appointment with a big hug, the kind that lingers so that you can fold into it.  And then, the staff brought me a tray with chocolate and a special tea, infused with roses, and put paraffin wax on my hands and told me to just breathe.  No salon chit chat necessary. 

These are young women who knew that in caring for my body they were also caring for my spirit.  Oh how thankful I am for them both.

·      I’m so thankful for the wide community of people surrounding me/us in this season.  Bruce and I often talked about what we might have missed by leading such nomadic lives, in our childhoods, and to a degree, in our adult lives.  But what we might have missed in rootedness we gained in this beautiful community of people from far and near.  Daily, your good wishes fill my mailbox and bring grateful tears as I read of your care.  I’ve even received home-baked cookies in the post!  

·      I’m thankful on this day for brave communities and individuals who will march tomorrow.  Bruce and I often joined in these important protests, but tomorrow I will hold space to pray.  I live just two blocks from the state capital, so I know I will also see and hear those who are marching.  I was heartened this morning by noting that the good people of Agnus Dei Lutheran Church in Gig Harbor have created a table of protest signs their folks can pick up to use.  Well done, faithful people of God! 

·      I’m thankful for my children, my grown all the way up children, who have loved and lost and endured so much in their lives.  They have been unafraid to grieve and cry and name their sadness and they have been joyful in daily sharing and remembering. 

·      I’m thankful for good theology.  Always.  But in this particular case, an understanding of God that does not try to fix this or put it in the realm of some perfect plan.  Bruce did not die because God needed another angel or it was his time or it was God’s plan.  God’s plan is for us to live lives of fullness and connection and shalom. There was no date book with Bruce’s death etched in it.  There was nothing that his death would bring about in the kin-dom.  His blood and bone marrow went haywire and attacked his organs and he died.    And.   

And God was with him.  And God is with me and with all of us and with every single person who is struggling in any way on this day.  We are not left comfortless.  The Spirit intercedes.  God’s people step in.  And we walk with a loving limp.

·      And, finally, I’m grateful for the return of more temperate weather to the PNW.  Those days of record breaking heat were too much, too soon.  It is good to step out in the morning, black cat notwithstanding,  and feel the coolness and know that indeed, this day….this Friday the 13th….is the day that God has made.  Rejoice, dear ones, even as we grieve, for if they are not glad today, there will be a time when our hearts are indeed glad again.

The actual black cat was too quick for a picture. This stock photo will have to represent the trespasser.